Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
