i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize