And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
