Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
