She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
