I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
