His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
