i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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