I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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