MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
did you just send me my own nude
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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