hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
