I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i now understand why vodka
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
