i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
