Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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