Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
