Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize