i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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