Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
