It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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