I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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