wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
how drunk are you?
Several
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
