It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
