I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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