So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
