i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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