Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
