Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Michael Bay diarrhea
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
