Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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