The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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