my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
