Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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