i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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