so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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