But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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