An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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