He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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