Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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