she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
