Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
