I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
