I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
