so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
