Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
