I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize