No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
