it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
