I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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