I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
