Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
