gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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