I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
