tell your sister to shave her snatch
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
