accomplished twins. life is a go
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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