I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need to calm my uterus...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize