Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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