dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
