I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
