I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
