Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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