What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
