Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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