Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
