Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize