Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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