And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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