Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did I show you my penis last night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
