I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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