I accidentally had phone sex last night
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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