I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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