at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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