She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
